This is how it works
It feels a little worse
Than when we drove our hearse
Right through that screaming crowd

While laughing up a storm
Until we were just bone
Until it got so warm
That none of us could sleep

***

Sitting in the armchair by the window her fingers hugged the coffee cup with it held up close to her lips, but yet to drink it. Rather, she lets the fragrant infused warmth fill her senses as the rim grazed her chin. It became a rarity she could just stop and do absolutely nothings as everything for the past however many weeks was a constant haze. She almost felt like she was either moving in between cities, running errands, making arrangements, worrying; today though she felt a sense of being at home. Marissa let the sun rays emit through the window panes making her feel totally relaxed. Here in the apartment she shared she looked out over the courtyard with the scattered faculty buildings in the far off distance. Every other day she’d see people heading off to class, making their way to their own lives, but today it was bare with everyone gone for the holidays.

It was a beautiful Christmas Eve morning and as she relaxed in it she went through a list of ‘to do’s’ in her head. Amidst helping Summer prepare dinner there wasn’t much else to do; calling Ryan was a given but having been unsuccessful in reaching him she figure that can wait until later. She found that if no one was answering their phone at the apartment, she’d get the machine, and if it wasn’t the machine it was Sarah saying he wasn’t home. His cell phone was practically the same, if it wasn’t off it went unanswered, if it went unanswered she’d end up leaving a string of message in which he hasn’t replied to yet. Ryan avoiding her was the obvious thought, but she preferred to think that he was just busy. The thought lingered until a gentle knock came at the door to break her chain of thinking.

***

And all the styrofoa
Began to melt away
We tried to find some worms
To aid in the decay

But none of them were home
Inside their catacomb
A million ancient bees
Began to sting our knees

***

Furrowing her eyebrows wondering who it could be she set the mug down and rose to her feet still in her Berkeley sweatshirt, a pair of boy-shorts, and fuzzy slippers; opening to find Ethan by the hall now smiling.

Marissa’s smile grew as she whispered "Hey stranger!" almost leaping to give him a hug.

"Merry Christmas", he smiled and whispered in echo of her. "Why are we whispering?"

"Oh, Kyle, she’s still sleeping. You’re here early?"

"Oh she was meant to help me cook at my place so I was going to pick her up early. The family decided it was my turn this year." He said as he took his coat off and set it down as he followed her further inside.

"Well join me and have a coffee first or something." She offered.

"Yeah sure, as long as its not too much trouble…"

"Yeah you’re right, make your own coffee." She said playfully. "What are you having?"

"Uh… black, two sugars." He answered as they continued to converse in hushed voices.

Exiting the kitchen a short while after, they sat opposite each other by the window; resting on the table between them the two similar coffee cups with the heat slowly rising. "When did you get back?" Ethan asked.

"Just the other day actually", Marissa answered as she lifted her legs to sit cross-legged on the chair and leant back.

"How’s your mom?"

"She’s doing okay… right now. I mean, I don’t want to delude myself into thinking everything will be fine, but I really am hoping."

Ethan grabbed the mug, took a sip then set it down again, "Funny that huh…"

"What?" Marissa looked up with a curious half smile.

"Life…" he said simply.

"It can change in an instant can’t it, kind of like the weather…" She answered. "Just look at this past year, you and Kyle…that was a nice surprise." She smiled.

"Remember how much convincing it took for you to go back home last year? Where did we go? We had to get something Fedexed then the airport… you’re so stubborn." He teased as he carefully took another sip.

"Thanks", she smiled back. "God you’re right… that was a year ago… thanks by the way, I don’t know if I properly thanked you…"

"Hey, I’m just glad it worked out."

She went back to hugging the coffee between the palms of her hands, "What’s new with you these days?"

"Oh was that the official subject change?" Ethan responded lightheartedly. "I actually do sort of have some news… haven’t told Kyle yet though."

Marissa quickly became intrigued, "Can I ask what it is?"

"Well I’m finishing up after the coming semester and my parents have a family friend in New York; some guy who heads up this huge firm. Anyway they’re in the business of urban planning and architecture…"

"New York City doesn’t exactly strike me as the greenery type." She said as Ethan gave her a crooked smile.

"I know, but their head office is NYC but they do a lot of work across the east coast. It’s still in keeping with what I want to do, I’ll still be doing landscape architecture but just on a bigger scale I guess."

"Well I think that’s really great." She smiled.

"They offered me a junior position straight out after I graduate so…"

"You said yes?"

"Not yet… I really want to… for the job and just a change of scenery even."

"When are you going to tell her?" Marissa asked.

"Soon…" He sighed, "I want to make it work, but I don’t know what she’ll say…"

"Wow…" She said as she took a deep breath, "I am officially jealous. I love the idea of New York… maybe one day." Marissa said as they continued to drink their coffee in the warmth of the sun for a little while longer.

***

While we were on our knees
Praying that disease
Would leave the ones we love
And never come again

On the radio
We heard November Rain
That solo's really long
But it's a pretty song
We listened to it twice
'Cause the DJ was asleep

***

"What are you doing?" Seth said bewildered as he slowly walked out from the bedroom; treading carefully as he found a sea of red napkins across the dining area all in a crumpled fashion.

"Trying to make swans" Summer replied as if this was the most obvious answer possible. She continued to sit there fussing about trying to follow a Christmas preparation ‘How-To’ guide as Seth rummaged about trying to find the car keys.

"What are you looking for?"

"The car keys."

"Oh your parents took the car, they’ve gone to pick up Julie and Kaitlin from the hotel and take them around to see some sights." She answered. "Where were you headed to Cohen?"

"Well the parents were getting me to drop some stuff they got Ryan seeing as he’s sick and won’t be coming for dinner."

"Are you sure you should be going there, when I talked to him he sounded pretty bad. You know he’s probably contagious." Summer said as she scrunched another failed napkin.

"Trust me, what ever is eating away at Ryan can’t be treated with antibiotics." Seth replied sardonically but Summer was too busy to really hear what he said. "Guess I won’t have to go then."

On cue Marissa calls out from the other side of the door, "Hey it’s me, I’ve got a heavy bag of presents so as long as you guys aren’t naked, please open the door."

"There you go, take Marissa’s car" she said as Seth opened the door for her.

"Merry Chrismukkah Eve", Marissa said as she lugged a large bag of wrapped goods inside.

"Hey Coop, oh can Seth borrow your car?"

"Sure." Marissa answers as she reaches inside her purse and tosses it over to him. "Oh but easy on the accelerator, sorry, the gas tank is low."

"Marissa its Seth, you should be telling him to go easy on the brakes if anything." Summer kidded.

"Be careful or I won’t be putting out tonight." Seth said cheekily as he made his way out, leaving the girls to scrunch their faces.

Marissa sat down now only noticing the mess upon the table, "Swans?" She asked knowingly and Summer conceded a ‘yes’.

***

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

***

Lazily walking up the stairs of Ryan’s apartment he rolled his eyes to himself before knocking on the door and wondering why he should even bother. Nonetheless he did and with enough luck Ryan answered with a grim 5 o’clock shadow upon his face, looking tired, but not sick.

"Hey", Ryan answered monotonously.

"Hey… uh… this is from the parents… presents and other stuff." Seth replied as he handed over a disproportioned bag.

"Thanks", the young dirty-blonde haired male answered without the slightest change in his tone. "Hang on a sec…" Ryan left him by the doorway briefly only to return with a bag of gifts of his own. Without saying a word he handed it over to Seth.

Seth wasn’t impressed in the least bit. "What are you doing?" You’re clearly not sick. You look homeless can I just say, but what is it you’re avoiding? Everyone wants to see you, and I’m sure Marissa wants to see you."

At the mention of her name he felt his insides jolt as if it were a quick reflex to dodge something until he quickly relaxed again. "Seth… not now…"

"Alright fine… well look, you know where we live if you want to stop by." He replied not bothering and quick to throw in the towel this time. "I’ll see you." With that he left and made his way down the stairs as Ryan regretfully watch him leave.

Once Seth was out of sight he went back inside and proceeded to the kitchen. Reaching for the fridge he grabbed a 6-pack out and made his way to the balcony still in his sweats. Slowly heading up the fire escape he reached the sullen rooftop. It was bare for the most part except for a few neglected pot plants and a couple of depressing deck chairs with a small table placed between the both of them. Resting the case of beers on the table he pulled one out of its placeholder and took a seat.

He stretched out to the view of the city with the sounds faintly well below him, which he liked, and no one ever bothered to come up and occupy the roof anymore, which he liked even better. He twisted the top off the bottle, "Merry Christmas", he said aloud to no one in particular as he took a drink and let the bitter cold pass into him.

***

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took

And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood

And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

***

"Merry Christmas", Kaitlin called out cheerfully and Julie echoed the sentiment as they came through Seth and Summer’s door; Sandy and Kirsten in tow.

"Merry Christmas", Summer and Marissa responded as equally eager.

"No, no, not for another five hours" Seth corrected them but failed to rain on their parade as they all exchanged embraces regardless.

As Sandy hauls in a large bag of gifts from Julie and Kaitlin, he takes a look at the well prepared spread on the temporarily extended dining table in amazement. "Wow girls everything looks great."

"Sandy, are you surprised that women can cook?" Kirsten joked as she set her coat on the rack.

"With the exception of you honey, I know women can cook." Sandy teased as Kirsten playfully hit him on the shoulder.

"You guys did all of this?" Kaitlin asked, "And… what’s this?" She asked as she tried to figure out the odd shaped napkins set upon their plates.

"Oh, swans…" Summer answered.

"That’s fancy-speak for ‘wads of crap’." Seth added as it became Summer’s turn to hit Seth on the shoulder.

"Hey be nice, the girls worked really hard today and I think they did an excellent job." Kirsten said in their defense. Seth looked as if he were about to make another smart-mouthed joke but Kirsten was quick to shut him up with just a narrowed stare.

"I do appreciate my little Summer", he began as he went to wrap his arms around her from behind, "Why do you think I’m going to marry her?" He continued as people briefly looked up as he now felt a little awkward with what he just said. "I mean, not now, I don’t want to marry you, I mean I do if you want to, but later, waaaay into the future… you know… silver jumpsuits and with robots and stuff…" Seth said with an uneasy long breath until Summer just cut him off.

"Cohen?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up and get the turkey." She said bluntly.

"Oh thank god." He said, quick to obey and dash out of sight.

Marissa just looked at her two friends in amusement. "So how was the tour of the city?" She asked.

"Oh yeah it was great sweetie", Julie answered. "Well if you consider all the places where Sandy and Kirsten used to do it, a tour." She joked with a big smile on her face as the kids all head that look of ‘ew’ on theirs.

"Hey I said that of one place", Sandy answered defensively as Kirsten smiled and shook her head.

"Yeah, no, the city was great Marissa", Julie finished off her sentence as they all began to take a seat around the table. "Where can I wash up?"

"Oh just that door through there to your left", Summer said pointing it out.

Once Julie had returned Marissa was quick to notice the unfilled chair amongst them reserved for only one other person. "Oh shouldn’t we be waiting for Ryan?" She asked innocently.

"Oh no Coop, didn’t I tell you earlier. He’s sick so he called and said he won’t be able to make it."

At this Seth scoffed to himself inaudibly as Sandy began to pour everyone a glass of wine and began making a toast. Marissa lost herself in a distraction of thoughts as she held up her glass as if only subconsciously. She was faintly hearing Sandy give his little speech and the eruption of ‘Cheers’ at the table. With the clanking glasses between them, her eyes still fixated on nothing in particular as if in a trance, and barely above a whisper she says to no one in particular ‘Happy Anniversary", and downs a portion of the bitter sweet liquid in one swift motion.

***

And on the radio
You hear November Rain
That solo's awful long
But it's a good refrain

You listen to it twice
'Cause the DJ is asleep

On the radio
On the radio
On the radio
On the radio
On the radio
On the radio

***

Song / On The Radio by Regina Spektor